


yearning for sunlight (we've seen better days)

by vandrell



Series: a twist in the universe (atla daemon!au) [1]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: (aka its the agni kai), Alternate Universe - Daemons, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Canon-Typical Violence, Gen, I continue to not know how to tag, aftermath of the agni kai, daemon!AU - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-14
Updated: 2020-12-14
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:14:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28063782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vandrell/pseuds/vandrell
Summary: In one universe, people keep their souls deep in themselves. In another universe their souls manifest as daemons. This changes some things for Zuko, but not all.--Zuko, after the Agni Kai.
Relationships: Iroh & Zuko (Avatar)
Series: a twist in the universe (atla daemon!au) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2055738
Comments: 12
Kudos: 71





	yearning for sunlight (we've seen better days)

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to [wheat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/burnt_oranges/pseuds/burnt_oranges) and [sin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/snymph12/pseuds/snymph12) for beta-ing this mess. 
> 
> If you are unfamiliar with daemons and hdm what you need to know is that essentially people have daemons ("demons") that manifest themselves as animals that represent their soul. They can talk but don't generally other than to their human or other daemons. It is taboo to touch other people's daemons generally. They can generally change forms until they Settle when a person has become "mature" or had a formative experience. Here is the [wiki page](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/D%C3%A6mon_\(His_Dark_Materials\)) for daemons.

_Zuko turns and lets out a gasp as he stares up at Father. **No.** This isn’t supposed to happen._

_He falls to his knees and words tumble out of his mouth. Begging. Pleading. For something. Anything._

_But Father merely stares down at him, mouth turned down in displeasure, and Zuko knows that he’s done something wrong. Again._

_Why can he never do anything right? He’s a failure. Just like Azula told him. Azula is always right._

_“Dishonorable,” Father hisses and Zuko flinches. Father’s arm moves, and Zuko squeezes his eyes shut._

“Zuko!”

_His eyes flash open and he gasps as Druk runs towards him, changing from the small mongoose he favors into something larger, scaly and with wings. Zuko turns, watching as fire comes towards his left side, and grabs Druk out of the air._

_He’s not fast enough._

_Druk **screams**. Zuko screams with him._

*

Zuko comes to slowly. He blinks and frowns when he realizes that the left side of his vision is dark. He can’t see out of his left eye. He can’t _see_. His face throbs in time with the thudding of his heart, and Zuko whimpers. Panic starts to well up inside of him as he realizes that there’s something _missing_.

He struggles to sit up, arm trembling then collapsing under him. Groaning in pain, he stares up at the ceiling. He turns his head and looks around the room desperately, heart in his throat. Something is _missing_.

“Zuko!”

Zuko jolts and he turns to the left, his eye landing on someone he hadn’t seen in _years_. Or has he? He can’t remember. Everything is fuzzy.

“ _Uncle_ ,” Zuko’s voice cracks, “Where’s Druk?”

His uncle’s face twists and he shakes his head once.

Zuko lets out a broken sob. “I can’t – I can’t _feel_ him. He feels – ”

Iroh reaches out and clasps Zuko’s hand in both of his. He swallows and says roughly, “I promise, everything will be fine, Zuko.” 

Zuko blinks and shakes his head, exposed eye welling with tears, “It’s my fault,” he gasps wetly, “I – I disrespected him and – and I – I was wrong. I – ”

“Shhh,” Iroh leans his head against Zuko’s forehead and strokes Zuko’s hair, “It isn’t your fault. You were doing what you thought was right. I’m so sorry, Zuko, I should have – I should have done something.”

Zuko jerks his head out of Iroh’s grip and shakes it. “You _couldn’t_ Uncle. It was my fault. I should know better.”

Looking down, Zuko tries to reach for Druk within him. There’s a _crack_ where he can usually feel Druk. “Uncle…” he looks down, “Is Druk…?”

Iroh swallows roughly, a hand leaving Zuko’s to run a hand along Jasmine who is blinking slowly at Zuko from around his uncle’s neck. “Fire Lord Ozai has decreed that you’re to be banished.”

He flinches.

Banishment means one thing and one thing only: Separation.

Zuko inhales sharply. Trying to push down on the panic that he feels rising, he tries to turn to fully face his uncle. Banishment means Separation, but maybe there’s a _chance_. Maybe Father - 

“And…? What else?”

Iroh’s frown deepens. “My brother,” he purses his lips, “has decreed that you can only return when you’ve captured the Avatar and their spirit companion.”

His breaths enter and leave shallowly, of their own accord and Zuko considers the paths he has in front of him. His father wouldn’t, _wouldn’t_ decree this without there being a chance. Zuko was - _is_ still the heir. He is still the crown prince. Still Fire Nation Royalty. He might be inferior to Azula in almost every way (except his connection to his daemon - but that’s never counted where Father and Azula care) but he is still the first-born. The Fire Sages wouldn’t let Father do this to the heir. Right?

_Could he even be heir with a Separated daemon?_ He has to be. He can’t…can’t let Azula take the throne. She’s already alienated their people with her relationship with her daemon. Zuko looks at them and despairs. He’s never understood their relationship but something about it is just wrong and horrifies something deep within him, no matter his love for his sister.

“O – Okay.” Zuko pushes out, words sticking in his throat. He inhales, shuddering, “I have to do it, right? I’ll find the Avatar.”

Iroh looks up sharply, his face regaining some of the hardness that it had when he was the Dragon of the West. “ _No_. Zuko, my boy, you cannot. The Separation will kill you. You can’t afford to be Separated.”

Zuko shakes his head. “No it won’t. I won’t let it. And Druk won’t either. I will regain my honor - prove my worth - and then the Fire Sages will support me. And if I capture the Avatar _no one_ will care if,” his voice cracks, “if Druk and I are Separated. It’s not like people care about Father’s daemon.”

His uncle’s face falls, and Zuko looks away from the pity in Iroh’s eyes.

“ _Don’t_ pity me. It’s my fault and I have to regain my honor. It’s _my_ fault that I spoke out of turn. _My_ fault that Druk and I will be Separated.” He inhales shakily. “Druk told me I shouldn’t, and I should have listened to him but – ”

Iroh inhales deeply and says, “You’re not Separated yet.” Softer, “And you don’t have to be.”

Zuko looks up, confused. “What do you mean? I can’t go against Father’s orders.”

Iroh meets Zuko’s eyes for long moment before shaking his head, “Never mind.”

He tenses. Perhaps what Azula had been saying about Uncle being a traitor was true after all.

The door opens and a Guard walks in, carrying a cage. Zuko feels a tug on his chest, and his eyes focus on the cage. There’s the sound of scrabbling and a familiar cry, and his heart lightens in realization. Zuko cries out, “Druk!”

“Zuko!” His daemon’s voice calls back and Zuko tries to stand but is pushed back down to the bed by Iroh.

“You can’t move Zuko, you’re still injured.”

Zuko shoves Iroh’s hands away and reaches out for the cage.

“ _Druk_.”

The Guard sets the cage down on Zuko’s lap and steps back, arms crossed behind his back. Zuko sticks his fingers into the cage and a scaly nose brushes against them and Zuko sighs in relief. Zuko flips the sheet away from the cage and stares at his daemon.

“Did you – did you _Settle?_ ” Zuko asks, awe in his voice.

Druk’s Settled form is bright red and shiny except for a dark patch of scales on his side that appear melted. Zuko swallows heavily, despair settling in his soul at the sight. They match. Familiar, bright amber eyes look into Zuko’s eye, and his daemon nods. Zuko laughs in awe and disbelief. “You’re a – a _dragon_.”

“A small one,” Druk says petulantly and Zuko laughs before cutting himself off and sobering.

“I’m _sorry_. It’s all my fault and – and we’re going to be _Separated_ and you got _hurt_ and it’s already hard for me to feel you and – ”

“Zuko!” Druk interrupts, nipping at his fingers, “We’ll get through it. We always do. And nothing anyone says or does will keep us apart. Separation will be nothing compared to what we’ve already faced.”

Zuko shakes his head. His eyes burn with tears, and he desperately strokes Druk’s red scales. “What are we going to do?”

Druk sighs and rubs his head against Zuko’s fingers. “You can do this Zuko. You can find the Avatar and capture them. And then we’ll be together again!”

He laughs weakly. Druk’s bravado would be infectious if Zuko couldn’t also feel the all-encompassing horror and turmoil in his other half. You can’t hide from your soul. He sniffles and closes his eyes, drawing the cage closer to him and leaning his head against it. His tears drip into the cage, and Druk lets out a whimper.

They sit together in silence for a long moment and then the Guard clears his throat. “Your time is up.”

Zuko’s head snaps up. “What?”

The Guard pulls the cage out of Zuko’s grip, and Druk shouts, “Zuko!”

“Wait! What are you doing?! You can’t take him away! He’s _mine_.”

But the Guard just bows once to Iroh, not even to Zuko and leaves the room. The cage Druk is imprisoned in is shaking, and Zuko sobs as Druk’s calls fade to silence.

“ _Uncle_ ,” he pleads, turning to look at Iroh.

But all Iroh does is close his eyes and shake his head solemnly, hand stroking Jasmine betraying his pain. Zuko sobs, ugly tears and snot dripping down his face. And he’s a disgrace. Someone who doesn’t even deserve his _daemon_. _What kind of monster is he?_

“You have to leave, Zuko,” says Iroh, standing. “The Fire Lord ordered that you were to leave the Palace as soon as you woke.”

“What?” Zuko tries, in vain, to dry his tears and looks up at his uncle. “What do you mean?”

“You’ve been _banished_ , Prince Zuko. You’re not permitted to remain on Fire Nation shores so long as the banishment is in place.” Iroh swallows, looking away for a second before turning back to Zuko, “A ship is waiting for you at the harbor. But if you do not wish to be executed you must leave immediately. Even letting you say goodbye to Druk is pushing Fire Lord Ozai’s,” he grits out, “benevolence. If we don’t leave now, Fire Lord Ozai will be displeased.”

“’We’?” asks Zuko blankly, letting his uncle throw back the sheets and help him into robes. Peasants’ robes. Nothing that he’s accustomed to wearing.

“I’m coming with you.”

Zuko looks at his uncle in shock. “You can’t. I’m banished, Uncle. The – ”

“You’re my nephew. I already failed Lu Ten.” Iroh places both his hands on Zuko’s shoulders. “I won’t fail you too.”

Zuko lets himself be fully dressed by his uncle, a cloak thrown over his shoulders and hood pulled over his head. He clutches at the cloak, hands shaking. Iroh places a hand on Zuko’s back and pushes him out of the infirmary.

“Uncle,” Zuko starts and then stops when Iroh pushes him down a corridor that he only barely remembers ever using. “Where are we going?”

“To the harbor.”

“Why are we going this way?”

His uncle stays silent. And Zuko looks up at the back of Iroh’s head. Zuko tug at his uncle’s sleeve and forces him to stop, digging his heels in.

“What are we doing, Uncle?”

Iroh lets out a heavy sigh and Jasmine pokes her head out of his collar. “I’m getting you to safety.”

“What?” Zuko steps back. “I thought we were going to the harbor? I thought – ”

“If you go to the harbor, _you will never be able to come back home_ ,” Iroh’s voice breaks.

“Uncle, I have to regain my honor. I have to do it for our people. I have to do whatever I can to get back to Druk.” He blinks. “You’d have me **abandon** Druk?”

He steps back further. Terror gripping his heart.

Iroh shakes his head desperately. “ _No._ I would never ask that of you, Zuko. But, the Avatar hasn’t been seen for a hundred years. Your father doesn’t want you to come back. He wants you to live away from the Fire Nation, away from Druk, for the rest of your life.”

“You don’t know that,” Zuko protests. “I can and will find the Avatar. I will do what I have to to get Druk back. And nothing you say will convince me otherwise. Don’t make me have to report you as a traitor to the Fire Nation, Uncle, _please_.”

Iroh swallows and Zuko grits his teeth, settling into a fighting stance. He’ll lose if he has to fight his Uncle, but at least he won’t be a traitor. He can already feel his Inner Fire sputtering from the distance that he is from Druk. The further they go, the more his Inner Fire grows weaker and weaker.

Finally, Iroh nods once shortly, and Zuko sighs in relief. He wasn’t sure that he’d be able to take whatever his uncle tried to force him to do, and he is _relieved_ beyond measure that he won’t be losing two things that are precious to him today.

“We’re going to the harbor.” Zuko says and Iroh nods again, walking back out of the hallway, past Zuko.

Zuko follows his uncle and hides his shaking hands in his sleeves.

They leave out the servants’ entrance and Zuko ducks his head at the curious looks that the commoners shoot him as they walk through the streets. His hood is up, and they can’t see his face, but Zuko _knows_ that they’re wondering where his daemon is. Each step towards the harbor feels more and more like he’s moving through molasses. Pain strikes him with each step.

This isn’t the farthest that he and Druk have been apart before. They used to play at seeing how far Druk could fly when they were kids, and his mother would laugh at the shapes that Druk would take to try and see how far they could get. That game came to a fast end when Azula told their father what he was doing.

Zuko can still remember the argument that Azula and he overheard between their parents.

_“He’s an abomination,” Ozai had hissed._

_“He’s your_ son _,” Ursa had protested, “They’re just playing.”_

_“It’s not natural for a man to be so distant from their daemon. And his daemon is **male**. He doesn’t deserve to live.”_

_Ursa had said lowly, anger lacing her tone, “And what of_ your _daemon, Ozai? He is your son. And -”_

_There’d then been a sharp crack of Ozai’s palm against her face._

_Zuko had looked at Azula and had reared back from the assessing look on her face. She’d smirked at him, shaking her head, and then had walked away._

After that, Zuko and Druk hadn’t tried to see how far they could be apart again. And Druk had refrained from speaking in public as much as possible. And when he did there were always people who looked at them and judged.

Zuko steps onto the wooden docks of the harbor and looks up at the small ship - unworthy of the Crown Prince of the Fire Nation, but he’s been exiled, what did he expect? - that Iroh has led him to.

He swallows roughly and boards it, looking only once behind him at the Fire Palace in the distance.

He barely remembers to bow to the Captain and crew, forming the shape of the Flame sloppily with his hand. _Disgrace. Dishonorable_. _Monster._

He barely remembers being shepherded into a room and settled into a cot.

Zuko stares blankly at his hands. They tremble.

He distantly registers the lurch of the ship breaking away from the dock. He remembers that this is when the pain should start, or will he just be numb? Deadened? How does it feel to be separated from your soul?

A hand strokes his hair and Zuko blinks, looking up at the blurry face of his uncle.

“Uncle?” he croaks, “Shouldn’t you be at Ba Sing Se?”

His uncle says something that he can’t hear, and Zuko closes his eyes.

The pain builds slowly. Bit by bit it rises into a dull roar. Something twists inside of him and _snaps_.

“ _Druk,_ ” he sobs, reaching out for his daemon that _he can see right in front of him_.

Druk’s cries fill his ears and Zuko wails, clutching at his chest. “ _No._ _Druk, please!”_

Pain.

Pain.

Pain.

Numbness.

Zuko blinks slowly, eyelashes wet. He’s empty. Something within him is gone, forever. And he will never be whole again.

“Zuko?”

He turns his head slowly and sees his Uncle looking down at him with tears in his eyes.

He turns away and whimpers, clutching at his chest with a shaking hand.

This was _his_ decision.

He cut out his soul for his own selfish reasons. Why couldn’t he have just shut up and listened? He can’t protect anyone - not Mother, not Azula, not himself, not Druk. He is the reason nothing ever goes right. A failure, just like Azula had always said. And now he’s hurt Druk. His own soul.

He’s the worst kind of person there is.

**Author's Note:**

> *spins the wheel to see who's next* ~~it's azula, that's already been written sdfsdfsd~~ But I am taking suggestions on who I should do next after I do the azula one!
> 
> Druk (Zuko's Daemon): Druk of canon but miniaturize him  
> Jasmine (Iroh's Daemon): bearded dragon lizard
> 
> /[vandrell](https://vandrell.tumblr.com/)


End file.
